At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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