So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
