I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
