I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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