I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
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