So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
