please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
