Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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