I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
