shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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