I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
