I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
