I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm at about main and main street
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
