tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
