I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
