So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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