I must be too annoying 4 u.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
