When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
