Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
