one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
