Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
