My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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