I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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