she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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