Dude my mom stole all your condoms
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
