remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
