brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
