I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
