i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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