His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
they're like a gay fantastic four
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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