Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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