I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
