Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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