Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
