Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
