is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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