my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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