Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
