Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
