he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I love how my cats smell like pot.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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