Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
did i walk over a car last night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
