I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
