there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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