I smell stomach acid.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
