yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
