I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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