Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I checked into jail on foursquare
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
