i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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