Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
