You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
