Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just gargled with NyQuil
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
