She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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